I listened to a podcast and have been following this positive parenting coach online that offers a lot of cool tools and messages. Check out Wendy Snyder at www.freshstartfamily.com How to dissolve the power struggle with integrity without relying on fear, force, bribery, and rewards. Here are some notes from what I learned on Sibling Rivalry:
1.) Avoid using comparison & competition between kids
a. They like each other a lot more, instead of resenting one another
b. Prevents adding fuel to the fire
c. Don’t say “why can’t you just be more like your sister/brother”
2.) Let them have negative feelings about each other – it’s hard, but it’s okay.
a. Empathize with your kids, just listen. Allow them to be human and move on.
3.) Teach them how to take turns & trade (vs. forcing)
“May I have a turn when you’re done”
“Want to trade toys when you’re done”
Not necessary that kids “have” to share all the time
4.) Have a mission to empower & mentor vs. fix / rescue / control
Try to be a “teacher” not a police man
Our mission as parents should be to teach and empower, and not “fix it all”
Speak and think positively about your children – “healthy story” – they are learning and growing and so are we 😉
5.) Teach “win/win” & repair
Empower your kids (older) with peaceful negotiations and teach them the skills to resolve conflict on their own. Teach your kids to stand up for themselves with kindness and firmness.
I feel _____ – helps them identify what they are feeling I want _____ How are we going to both win? They have to then work it out together to find a solution. It does take time and practice, so be patient. Both feel respected and heard, plus they work things out for themselves.
Sarah Caudle, PA-C
